I’m a kink-positive counselor! What does that mean?

The other day a man called in after reading a post in which I invited clients with kinks to the clinic. He was really nervous - it’s hard to make that first call - so I offered to tell him more about myself, my training and the tools I use to support people. He listened in silence as I described my background, paused, and asked, “Yeah, but are you a sub (submissive) or a domme (dominant)? I said, “Well, it might make sense at some point to share that information, but I’m not sure it is relevant. The world of kink is more than submission and dominance - there’s role play, sensation play (heat, cold, textures, materials), ropes, age play, medical, etc. However, I’m a non-touch therapist whose counseling doesn’t include surrogacy or intimate scenarios. We never do anything kinky IN my clinic (although homework is optional). What I DO offer is a non-judgmental approach to all sorts of sexual and relational identities - gay, queer, non-binary, straight, polyamorous, swingers, fetish, BDSM, and kink. And, as to your question, unrelated to my personal preferences, my sessions are kink-aware, kink-informed and kink-positive from day one.” I approach all clients with an anthropological understanding that sexual desire is both individual and cultural, that norms change over place and time and that one person’s kink is another’s "vanilla." My experience with conscious kink taught me invaluable lessons about power, desire, touch and consent. I learned to explore sexuality safely, within my boundaries and to communicate authentic desires with less shame. Exploring kink can help you transform fears and shame around sexuality, especially its shadowy sides, into your greatest strengths. It takes bravery to try new things, to talk explicitly about what we do and don’t want. Good therapists, even if they have no PERSONAL experience with kink, can help you learn more about consent, communication and boundary setting.* However, meeting a kink-positive therapist, like me, means that all of your parts - strange and unusual as they might feel sometimes - are celebrated and welcomed. If you're kinky - or just curious about how kinkiness might fit into your life - and in need of a safe and supportive place to discuss things, know that I celebrate you!